Thoughts
by TheArkAngel
Summary: Thoughts of the residents of Camp Jaha after Clarke leaves
1. Bellamy

**Bellamy**

Ever since they had landed on the ground, Clarke had been there. At first she had been the princess who had gotten everything in the ark. She had than quickly become an important part of survival – their only healer. From healer she had gone to co – leader. From co – leader to a friend.

As he walked back from the gate her words repeated in his mind repeated in his mind.

"_I'm not coming inside"_

"_I have to leave"_

"_I bear is so they don't have to"_

"_Take care of them for me"_

He was still thinking about what Clarke had said when Octavia came up to him.

"So she left." said his sister.

"So she did" was Bellamy's answer. He did not want to show his sister how he was really feeling inside. How he felt that everything was breaking apart. How he felt about leading without Clarke.

"She told me to take care of everyone for her" he told O to fill the silence as they started walking around camp.

"She told me to take care of you" O informed him. "She probably knew you wouldn't take care of yourself trying to take care of others".

"She always does think about everything" Bellamy responded not even tying to deny what his sister had said. He knew Octavia knew him too well.

"Yeah she does. I think I'm gonna go check on the others. You should rest." she said walking away and leaving Bellamy to thing about Clarke and their time as the leaders of the hundred sent to Earth.

He remembered how she had mercifully ended Atom's suffering when he had not been able to. She had been stronger. That was the day when he had started to respect her.

Bellamy remembered her offering him forgiveness when he had thought there was none for a monster like him. Much like the way he had offered her forgiveness today but it had not been enough.

Bellamy wondered if he could lead these people alone without Clarke by his side. He wondered if he head the strength to go on without her. It wasn't that he was completely alone he had his sister but she was different now and he could never think of her as a leading partner. She would always be little sister no matter what.

Abby would be broken after she found out that her daughter was gone. Abby and Kane did not understand him anyway. Nobody understood him like Clarke

The rest of the hundred were too broken after what they had faced.

Bellamy was still lost in thought when Monty walked up to him.

"It looks like it's gonna rain tonight. What should we do?"

Bellamy looked up. Monty was looking at him expectantly. Behind Monty came Monroe saying something about the food supply

Bellamy realized that they were looking at him as their leader. Suddenly he felt stronger. Clarke wasn't here. He believed that she would return but until she came he would keep his promise and take care of their people.


	2. Octavia

**Octavia**

As she walked away from Bellamy, Octavia couldn't help feel sorry for him. She knew Clarke's absence would be hard on him the. She knew like almost everybody around he had come to heavily rely on her presence. He was also one of those people who thought Clarke should be forgiven. That everything she did was for them.

Octavia had been mad at her. Had not wanted to talk with her but when she told her she would be leaving, Octavia couldn't be mad anymore. She could see that Clarke was hurt and broken in ways that were not physical. Physical wounds easily healed.

Octavia had promised to look after Bellamy. Like Clarke, she also knew that sometimes Bellamy forgot to take care of himself in the rush to take care of others. She had been on the receiving end of that care a long time.

Octavia found Lincoln at the edge of camp and asked him to take a walk with her. She would come back and look after her friends later. First she needed to have some peace and quiet to think about the future while Clarke was gone. She knew Lincoln would help her.

"Clarke needs to heal and when she is ready she will come back" said Lincoln reading her thoughts.

"I know. She can't stay away from her people too long"

"Then what is bothering you Octavia" was Lincoln's question

"I don't know how to help Bellamy. He has changed so much. Now with Clarke gone I am afraid he will forget about his own health" she answered

"You're his sister. He will listen to you and did you not promise Clarke to take care of him" He said.

"Yes I did" she admitted

"Well than you should do it. A long with that you can help your friends heal and make this camp better" Lincoln suggested.

"You're right" Octavia said accepting what her lover was saying.

"Are you gong to come back with or stay out for a little longer" He asked probably guessing that Octavia was still thinking about Clarke.

After telling Lincoln to go without her, she sat down on a nearby rock and reflected on her relationship with the blonde leader or ex – leader as Clarke now thought of herself.

She remembered helping Clarke with the injured and sick back at the drop ship. She had loved to watch Clarke patch people up. It reminded her of her mother and because Bellamy had not liked her going out too much, she had spent most of her time there.

She had been shocked and hurt when she had found out that Clarke had let all those people die in the village. Clarke had been ready to let her die.

When Clarke had found her in the reaper tunnel she had been so frustrated at Clarke and Indra that she had shouted at Clarke without realizing how hurt the other girl was.

Now that she thought about it Clarke had looked a bit broken than too. Octavia had just not paid attention. And now Clarke was gone.

She wondered how she could make up for at she had said and done when she should have been there for her friend.

Suddenly Octavia remembered her conversation with Lincoln a few minutes ago. He had suggested he make the camp better and help heal her friends. She could do this for Clarke. She could make them understand her choice. She could reassure Abby who would probably be broken to learn that her daughter was gone.

Clarke had left this camp to them and Octavia would make sure that when she came back after her healing she would find the camp better than before.

Clarke would come back to healed community. Octavia would see to that.


	3. Raven

**Raven**

Raven was lying on a bed in the med bay. There was no one there except her and Abby who was asleep. She hadn't taken the news of Clarke going away too well. Poor Bellamy had had to tell her.

Wick had been reluctant to leave her but she had convinced him to get some sleep. So now she was alone with her thoughts.

Raven thought about all the things she had felt where Clarke was concerned.

_Anger…_

Knowing that Clarke had slept with Finn had made her angry. How dare the girl take what was hers. Didn't she know Finn was everything Raven has.

_Jealousy…_

The way Finn had always put Clarke first had filled Raven with jealousy.

_Friendship…_

Maybe it was after she officially ended things with Finn that she started understanding that she and Clarke could be friends. Clarke was just a girl a child trying to survive down here. If she had slept with Finn to make this hell better well Raven could understand that. It's not like Clarke knew Finn had a girlfriend up on the ark. And if she was Abby's daughter how bad could she be.

_Relief…_

When she had seen Clarke the first time after being brought to camp Jaha she had been relieved that her friend was safe.

_Betrayed…_

The night Clarke had put that knife in Finn's heart Raven had felt betrayed by Clarke.

_Hate…_ (Or so she thought)

After Finn's death Raven thought she could never stop hating Clarke. She promised herself that she would never forgive Clarke for Finn's death. In Raven's mind Clarke was a murderer.

_Understanding…_

When Lexa and the other Grounders ad started to torture her, raven had felt incredible pain. It had gone on for a few minutes before Clarke had stopped them. She had than watched the torture of the other man and understood what Clarke had saved Finn from. Finn had murdered eighteen people. His torture would have been worse.

_Worry…_

Ever since the war meetings had started, Clarke had been different. She was becoming detached and had stopped taking care of herself. When Clarke went off to TonDC to warn them about the missile, Raven had prayed for her friend's safety.

Now Clarke had gone to knew missed her already and it had been only a few hours. She hoped Clarke was OK out there.

Before Raven fell asleep she whispered "I hope you find your way home Clarke"


	4. Abby

**Abby**

When Bellamy had walked into the room an expressionless face, Abby had known something wrong. She had been right.

After Bellamy told her that Clarke was gone, Abby lost it. She yelled at him, asking him he could let her go. The poor, tired boy just stood there listening to her even though none of this was his fault.

After a while Kane had managed to calm her down. That was when Bellamy has spoken.

"I tried. I tried to stop her but she is her mother's daughter. She does things her way" with that he had left.

Now she was lying in the med bay with Raven, pretending to be asleep. Abby knew Raven was awake and knew that if Abby seemed awake Raven would try to talk to her. She didn't want that right now. She waned to be alone with her thoughts about her daughter.

Abby remembered when Clarke had been younger she had loved to come to the medical bay on the ark. Wells was always with her. Jackson and another one of Abby's apprentices (her name had started with a C too) had always liked the younger girls company. The other apprentice had been kicked out for a reason Abby couldn't remember. Clarke had been told that her older friend was dead. She remembered how much Clarke had cried.

Once a little girl had come to the med area because of a fever. Clark had only been eight at the time. When Abby had left the little girl with the fever to check on someone else, the girl had started to cough blood. Clarke had seen this and without panicking calmly informed her mother of the situation.

Clarke had always wanted to be a doctor like her mother. he loved pretending that her father and wells were her patients. Sometimes she would make Wells her assistant but in every game Clarke was always the doctor.

At age thirteen she started to help out in the clinic. Abby's closest friends used to say that Clarke would become he youngest doctor the Ark had ever seen. The comments had always made Jack and Abby proud of their daughter.

A little before Clarke's seventeenth birthday the problem with the oxygen level had started. Abby had wanted the chancellor to talk Jack out of exposing the problem but that hadn't worked out. Jack had been floated and Clarke had been locked up for knowing too much.

Than had come the day when Abby had had to send her daughter down to Earth. It had hurt a lot knowing that her daughter might die down here but it had to be done.

When Clarke had taken the wrist band off Abby had almost lost hope. Than the radio had been activated. Abby was told that her daughter didn't want to talk to her. When she asked chancellor Jaha the reason his answer was "she blames us for Jack."

When Clarke had come through the gate covered in slime and who knew what Abby had thought it the most beautiful sight. Her daughter was alive.

The fact that Clarke had let the missile kill all those people had shocked Abby. Clarke had wanted to be doctor was all she could think. Someone who saved lives no ended them but Marcus had been right. Clarke had learned from the council, from her mother who had gotten her husband floated.

After all those people in the mountain died Abby realized that she had been wrong to tell Clarke they were the good guys. There were no good guys in war.

She had told Clarke that but Clarke had too much blood on her hands. The Earth and war had changed her. She thought everything was her fault. That's why she had left.

Abby wished Clarke had come to her, confided into her but Clarke had felt she had to do things on her own. All Abby could do was wait for Clarke. She had to believe she would.

And when Clarke came back, Abby would welcome her daughter with open arms.


	5. Jasper

**Jasper**

Jasper couldn't sleep.

He could only think of two things. Maya was dead. Clarke had killed her.

Because the first thought hurt so much, he focused on the second thought.

Clarke had pulled that lever. Sure the others were there but Clarke had done it. Killed the girl he loved.

Jasper hadn't even talked to Monty yet. Couldn't. Why hadn't he tried to stop Clarke. Bellamy had also followed Clarke's lead. That was who it all came to.

**Clarke**

Clarke had killed all those people. The people that helped them.

He had never thought he could ever hate Clarke. She had saved his life. His friends life. But now he hated her.

She killed Maya. Sweet Maya who had helped them. Helped Clarke.

How could Clarke just kill like that. That was the question revolving in his mind. Had Clarke really changed this much.

Clarke had become a killer. She had killed the girl Jasper loved.

Jasper would never forgive her. Never try to understand. Others might but Jasper won't.

Jasper would always hate the thought of Clarke. It was a good thing she wasn't here. They did not need a monster among them.

Jasper would always hate Clarke.

* * *

**I know all the other chapters I wrote everybody more or less forgave Clarke. I had to find someone who would really hate her. Jasper seemed like the perfect person. I hope you like it.**


	6. Monty

**Monty**

Jasper and Monty were walking at the head of the group. Bellamy, Lincoln and Octavia were with them. They were headed for the mountain.

It had been six weeks since Clarke had left. Six weeks since the battle. They had seem The grounders around butt the two groups did not approach each other. Through some of Lincoln's closer friends they knew the commander was having trouble with the alliance of the twelve clans. She probably did not have time for them.

Jasper had wanted to go back for Maya. He wanted to bury her.

He had wanted to come alone. He had not forgiven them yet. If he ever would.

Monty had finally convinced Jasper to let them come and because Lincoln did not want Octavia to go without him he was with them too. It would start snowing soon according to Lincoln. Jasper had wanted to come before that.

When they got to the Mt. Weather they were met with a shocking sight. There were rows upon rows of graves there covered with flowers. Somebody had come here and buried them.

Bellamy was the first to speak.

"Do you think someone lived"

"Well Lincoln killed Cage and the only other person who was immune to radiation was Emerson. He could have done this." Said Octavia

"I don't think so." answered Monty "look here." The last grave said Emerson.

Monty could only think of one other person that would want put these people to rest.

**_Clarke_**

**_Clarke did this._**

"Clarke must have come here" Said Lincoln Echoing Monty's thoughts.

Monty felt Jasper stiffen beside him. He knew what Jasper was thinking. _Why would Clarke do this. She killed these people._

Wanting to distract his friend Monty asked "I wonder which one's Maya's"

"The one at the head" came a voice behind them. They all turned.

It was her

It was Clarke.

Monty had spent nights wondering if his friend was alive or not.

And here she was. She looked the same. Except for her expression. It was blank.

"The first Grave is Maya's" she repeated. Still showing no emotion.

"Don't say her name" said Jasper "You killed her"

"I know" and in one swift movement she was gone.

Nobody went after her.

Monty turned to look at the Blake's. Both looked pained. They both knew that Clarke didn't want to come back. Following her would be useless. Every body stayed behind while Jasper went to visit the grave.

Monty looked out toward the forest. Hoping Clarke would show herself again.

He knew she wouldn't


	7. Last chapter: Talking about her

** Chapter**

**Bellamy POV**

Bellamy was taking stock of the food supply when Octavia approached him.

"I have a question for you" she said to him "Well actually a lot of our friends have been thinking about this."

"What is it O" He asked

"Well" she said nervously "Everybody is wondering if you like Clarke."

Bellamy looked up surprised.

"Where id you get that from" He asked.

"You guys always seemed close" She said

"We were co leaders" He answered "We made a lot of decisions together. I don't know why you would think I liked her"

"It's just that she's been gone for three months now and you don't talk about her" O said

"Nobody does"

"Maybe you should" the voice from behind startled them. It was Lincoln. Bellamy would never get used to the older man's silent way of walking.

"What do you mean Lincoln" Asked Octavia

"It's obvious every one of you has been thinking about her ever since we saw her at the mountain. Why don't you just discuss it. It would take some weight off."

"I don't Know" said O

"I think it's a good idea" said Bellamy. "Call the gang after dark into the med bay"

* * *

Bellamy made her way to the med bay. He was still shocked at the question O had asked him. He could guess why they thought he liked her. It was because of how close they had become while leading and in a way he really did care for Clarke. She was his first friend after Octavia. Somebody who understood him.

But to be in a relationship with Clarke. They would probably kill each other. They made good co - leaders because they questioned each other's idea and figured out how to make them better.

He could never think of Clarke as a love interest. Anyway he was pretty sure she had been interested in someone else after space walkers death. Bellamy just didn't know who. Now he may never find out.

When he got to the med bay everybody was there before him.

Jasper, Monty, Miller and Harper sat on the floor together to one side. Wick sat with Raven on one of the beds. Lincoln and O sat opposite to them. One of the apprentices Abby had taken was still cleaning up. It was Cassey. She, Lincoln and Wick were the only ones near to Bellamy's age. Rest of them were eighteen or younger.

Cassey spoke to him first "I know you guys wanna talk about Clarke. Just go ahead. I really need to finish this up."

"You could do it latter. You'll get bored listening to us" He told her. He didn't wan anyone that didn't know Clarke to be there.

"No I won't. I knew Clarke when she was young. I'd like to here how she has changed." She told him.

"You knew her" Octavia exclaimed. Everybody else just looked at her in surprise.

"Yeah. I used to be Abby's apprentice back on the Ark. Until I got kicked out of course."

"Why did you get kicked out" Asked Bellamy

"same reason you did. I had a younger sister too. She was found out. My mother got floated. I lost my position for keeping the secret and my sister, Ana, got locked up. She was floated to years ago." Everybody was quiet for a moment.

"Anyway I'll tell you a little about Clarke when she was young" Cassey said. Probably trying to change the subject.

"Sure" Monty answered. They all started listening

" I knew Clarke till she was ten. She used to love coming to the clinic and watching her mom. Once a little girl started coughing up blood. Clarke was eight at the time. She didn't panic at all. Just went and called her mother."

"She always has been brave" said Miller

"She was told I was dead" Said Cassey sadly.

"That's harsh" said Harper.

"She always wanted to be a doctor. I guess that's why Abby was so shocked at the fact that she let that village be hit by the missile. Clarke had always wanted to heal people."

"Well she did. She was our only doctor when we came down to Earth" Said Harper.

"A good one too" said Monty

"She was good a lot of things" Said Bellamy "Getting on my nerves was one of them. I had to tolerate of course. Than the mountain men happened and we both suddenly stopped getting on each others nerves."

"I remember when we had that virus and how se took care of us. She was never afraid to be around those who were infected." Said Miller

"Just like a doctor would" Said Monty

"She was never afraid. Always brave." said Raven "I don't think I would ever have been able to put that knife through Finn, even to save him. It must have taken her a lot of courage."

"Yeah it did. It hurt her a lot too." said Bellamy remembering how she had looked afterwards.

"I was angry at her about the missile but I understand now why she made the choice. We were at war and things like these happen in wars." said Octavia

"Seems like you all have a lot of respect for her." said Wick

"we care about her too." said Monty. Everybody nodded in agreement.

Bellamy realized that Jasper and Lincoln hadn't said anything. With Lincoln it wasn't a surprise. He was usually quiet. But Jasper did worry Bellamy. He hadn't been the same since the battle at mount weather.

"What about you Jasper" asked Octavia "Do you want her back""

"I don't know" he answered "Like you I've made this understanding inside my head that Clarke did this for a reason but I feel like that if she were in front of me I'd get angry at her again."

Everybody nodded accepting what he was saying

"What did Clarke say before she went" asked Harper "She told me to take care of you guys and that she bears it so we don't have to"

"What's that suppose to mean" asked Jasper

"It is simple really" said Lincoln speaking for the first time. "All of you are alive because the mountain men are dead. Their death gave you life. If it wasn't for their death you wouldn't be here and you all know it but you can blame it on Clarke saying that she pulled the lever. That she did everything and you just walked out but in reality you are all guilty but she bears it for you."

"I guess you have a point" said Jasper

"I wonder where she is" said Cassey

"That's something Lincoln and I wanted to talk to you about" said Octavia looking at Lincoln

"What do you mean O" Asked Ballamy feeling really confused

"Well a week after she left, Clarke found Lincoln while he was hunting and-"

She was cut off with yelling from the other of why they hadn't been told before

"Guys at least let her finish first" said Cassey

"Clarke told him not to tell any one but me. She wanted him to teach her how to make and use a sword."

"Why didn't you tell us O" asked Bellamy before anyone could shout again

"She said if we told anybody she wouldn't come to have lessons and knowing Clarke she would have done just that."

"She really needed these lessons to stay alive." said Octavia

Everybody was quiet. Nobody could argue with that. Clarke needed those skills and she was only gonna learn them if Lincoln taught her alone.

"So did she tell you about where she will go" asked Monty

"She told me that she would come back when she was ready" answered Lincoln

"When are you meeting her again" asked Wick

"Yesterday was our last meeting. She told me she wouldn't come back"

"I hope she learned enough to survive out there" said Raven

"In my opinion I taught her too well". She beat me in a sword fight yesterday" said Lincoln

Everybody just looked at him. Not knowing what to say

"So you're saying you taught her how to fully use a sword and beat a full warrior like you in three months" said Bellamy

"Yes" said Lincoln simply, "She is a fast learner."

Everybody was thinking about this when cassey suddenly said "It's snowing outside."

Bellamy and the others turned to look at Cassey who was standing at the door

The wind was blowing her hair around and their was a sparkle in her eyes. She looked really pretty

_Wait. Did I just think that._

"I wonder if she will be Ok" said Miller

"I told her it would snow soon. She said she was prepared" said Lincoln

"She will be fine" said Jasper

Bellamy couldn't help smiling at him. Whatever Jasper's feelings were like everybody else he wanted Clarke back. whether he knew it himself or not.

And like Jasper Bellamy believed Clarke would be just fine. She would come back when she was ready.


	8. Authors Note

**Authors note**

So this is the end of my first fic. Thank you for sll the reviews and support.

I will be writing another story so stay tuned


End file.
